Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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