Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
