i think my tv is drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
