I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
