"it" just moved
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
