Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Be still, my beating vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
