I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
