he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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