I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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