i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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