Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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