Pappa wants mamma naked
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i've created a new STD.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
