life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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