Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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