Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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