I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
