you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love you. Go after that dick
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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