At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
