Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
