ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
