Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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