I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
