Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
