The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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