do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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