Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
