she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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