Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
