How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You took a bar mat shot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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