after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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