Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
