My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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