Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning