just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.