i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
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so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?