Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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