Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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