I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
