just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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