ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
