She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We smell like vodka and hangover
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