i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
