A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
