so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
