Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize