my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
