it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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