Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
