They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
