Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
