Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drunk is not a location!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
