Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
