yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
