I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
