This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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