i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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