I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
