my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
