my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
