mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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