I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
