I got chris browned last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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