Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
