Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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