So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
