Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
